Date:4/2/2025
The spoken, and written word are often used like breathe, ceaselessly. Language not only occupies the invisible lines designated on the pages of life, but between and even manifest as the lines. Sometimes, language appears in our minds eye, written or spoken - this too, is dangerous. People are playing with the dangerous fire of language constantly, unknowingly, setting their world aflame.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Linguistic determinism - AKA - speaking things into existence. Maybe you wake up one day not feeling so well, and only think to yourself - I feel like shit today. The very thought of feeling like shit, cannot occur without a corresponding sensation on your body interlinked to your thought of feeling like shit. Some say your thoughts are the only thing you can control, others say your thoughts are the seeds of your reality.
Again, I think language is dangerous. It can be an unconscious ramification and ratification of negative thought patterns or hopeless optimism, or your choice of needless belief. I often look at comment sections on Instagram and Tiktok out of morbid curiosity, not unlike scraping the web for gore videoes - and I can't help but think it's all people who are projecting their own selves onto the internet through their comments. Maybe this is obvious, but people project their own insecurities, fears, and perhaps traumas and karmas onto the internet frequently, of course not only through comment sections. People are seeking to justify and validate their own selves over anything else, by any means, tirelessly. I believe people do this through many more means besides the internet as well.
Language is like a cult that nobody knows they're a part of. It's more than likely one of many, to put it lightly. It's often that the tools you use to survive try to kill you, either slowly or quickly, much like an autoimmune disease. Smoking might help you calm down or think/work through something, or just get you by, but it will also kill you. Working a stressful job might get you money you need to pay for a roof, food and utilities, but you may be sacrificing much just to keep up a little bit of lifestyle.
Anyways, that's one long winded way of saying almost anything you do is bringing you closer to death. OK, whatever..
However, our familiar word is an insidious murderer - just take a look at your average terms of service agreement, or waiver of liability, or whatever forms you're made to sign when getting a new job or taking a martial arts class. Liability liability liability, paper trails, documentation and legalese. At face value, obviously you're signing away your rights, how enforcable this signoff is can only be a matter for courts, townships, cities, states and what have you to determine. It's almost always to your own disadvantage to agree to these terms yet, we agree and sign. At some layer, we are agreeing to our own defeat, like agreeing to board a sinking boat for the hopes of reaching paradise island before the keel kisses the seabed. Much like being born into this world, it is the contract of life that is signed and ratified throughout existence. Like anything, we are made to live with these tools to survive, and after we have managed survival, what then? What becomes of our myriad of faculties, of which language is but a piece of this multifaceted machine?
Now, obviously language is one important string by which our society is woven, however, much like the IRS and the US government, these things should be checked and balanced, evaluated, understood, and reevaluated and understood holistically. Then again, I might be asking a horse to file a tax return. This is just how it is. DUH!
Ultimately, I think there is a tendency to assign too much meaning to spoken/written language in general, anything you write or say can be true or false based on context and condition. If I tell a stranger that my ass is on fire, when clearly, my pants are in quite splendid condition and I haven't been telling lies (or so I say), I'm not wrong, and maybe I'm not even crazy. I may have disposed of a spicy chicken sideways. My point is, you can't assign the truest meaning to language without knowing ALL the facts, and even then it's a loser's game because knowledge itself is one of many illusory facets of experience.
Date:4/1/2025
Is that title a mouthful of shit or what? There's a lot of... stuff out there. I like old website design, I don't consider myself a huge programming geek or even much of a design person. I barely know how to work most of the html/css/javascript to work this site, I do however know more than plenty of working people or NORMIES.. but probably less than I perceive most well versed computer super nerds to know. I grew up playing flash games on Y8.com, crazymonkeygames.com, and other miscellaneous sites back around 2008 and I liked browsing and rarely posting on deviantart back when that site was somewhat pleasant to look at. I used to collect and save animated emoticons I found on there on my dad's Fujitsu tablet computer running windows xp, where all the animations would play in the folder preview images when opened(a function that's been gone from modern windows systems for quite some time now). I would say 99% of anyone using nekoweb has some level of appreciation for classic web design, and it's a subject that's been talked and talked. I used to play pirated games off a pirate disk bought from a physical store in Syria, I played GTA 3 with no radio or voices for cutscenes, Worms Ultimate Mayhem with some missing sound files, and whatever other classic fun stuff was on there. Nostalgia is fun, and brings you back to when you could enjoy things and not even have an inkling of concern for shit. Sure, I was borderline socially inept and generally inept, but I or anyone like I was would have enjoyed those times. Whenever I didn't have access to that tablet computer, I'd go to the Brooklyn Public Library with my mom to play flash games on those public computers, which at the time I didn't realize were for studying, and if I did, I didn't care and neither did any of the other kids playing flash games.
My shipmate just asked me if I ever heard of someone getting their hair combed to the side. "Hair combed to the side?" "Hair combed to the side, like someone gets hit so hard their hair gets combed to one side" "I mean, I've heard of someone getting their wig split or shit rocked.."
When you're on a ship away from home, most spend a lot of time on the phone, chattering away the time with their family when there's downtime..
I think old graphics, websites, CGI, Y2K, all that shit - is dope. Old graphics are like a black and white movie or a comic strip/manga panel - some part of it is more open for your own imagination to fill in thanks to the lack of detail/information in the essence of the artstyle. But not so much as a book would. Books are probably the closest thing to psychic transmission between two people, depending on the level of comprehension and the minds between author and reader. I even think a lot of new Y2K stuff is cool, but I'm also going to hate on at least 30% of the new stuff just because it looks like it's only replicating the old style aesthetics. Anyways this is getting too out there, I don't care THAT much about Y2K aesthetics. But they are still prettier to look at than 90% of modern UI.
Does any of this shit matter honestly? Yeah it does - in terms of user interface, I would rather look at Brad Pitt than Michael Cera. The same goes for design in life and in general. Buildings, interiors, finishes, handheld devices, media, advertisements, personal style, attitude, platitude, altitude, whatever. It appears that this sentiment is more pervasive as Gen Z ages. All of which probably circles back to worldly problems like capitalism, communism, economies, jobs, data, news, left wing, right wing, right winger, libtard, policy, government, conspiracy, normalcy.. with time, I think it's becoming more clear most of these affairs aren't even worth thinking about, let alone speaking of in the everyday. They seem to manifest themselves as a sort of mental pollution of which I'll happily sail myself away from, for the world's tides may throw my humble vessel straight into mayhem..
Back to the title - insulting other people's intelligence is funny, but only for a moment. After that, it's just sad. I'm not the sharpest, I should probably worry about my own smarts first(yet there is a mirth to poke folly at others). Spirituality is corny, but some people probably get some sort of benefit out of it. I think religion is overall a good thing for society holistically, and a difficult thing for some individuals. Does that even say much? I'm tired of writing..
I've never written a blog before, or coded a website this is pretty fun. I'll probably throw the nekoweb team some money after I get done writing this. English was always my top subject in school. Math was always my worst. Language, English specifically has always felt extremely natural for me to read and write. Maybe it's thanks to those countless hours playing JRPGS like dragon quest and pokemon mystery dungeon on my DS.
Not a lot of things really excite me, it seems the alley of interests narrows with time. Writing on here has entered that alley, right next to guitar, manga/comics, and others - who knows for how long?
Author: O | Date: 3/31/2025 | Edited: 4/1/2025
Listlessness - what to do with the seconds, the minutes, the days, weeks, months, years, decades, the lifetime? What's the difference - doing something, and doing nothing? What does it mean to do nothing truly? Thinking, breathing, bodily functions such as blood pumping, digestion, and whatever else the body is up to..
Productivity, "grindset, grinding" - Exchanging, first to last in importance, time, life-force, health(depends on occupation) for money. Money, for surviving, maintaining a household, fun, travel, investing, whatever. Employment of some sort, whether you consider your experience in employment enjoyable or more commonly - unenjoyable - somehow the bills must be paid. Many are stuck in cycles within this matrix, and suffer in it whether educated or uneducated.
OK, now this is starting to sound like I'm about to sell you something to solve this...
If I knew how to solve it, I wouldn't be writing about it, trying to word myself into a solution. However, I wonder if it is even necessary to look for a solution? Sometimes I think, the surface substance of the experience of working is simultaneously the content and holistic isness of experience.
Resume writing - April 1st - I actually don't know what the content of content and holistic experience of isness actually is. Sike. I know exactly what it is. It's the complete experience of total perception of everything perceived to be happening at this present moment. The words being typed, or typing themselves, sitting here in the lounge on a ship, the slight discomfort of my wrists as my keyboard is angled upward in my lap, the occassional head itch, the distant yet local sound of sports TV. Speaking objectively, "this" may be the complete "experience" of experience - not any notions of a past, future, or a present. Even the description of "words typing themselves" is on some layer, a dissection and exaggeration of reality as it is.
I just figured out you can jump to the search box on an android tablet using ctrl+L
Listlessness & Grinding - should one feel compelled to constantly striving for money, this deceitful form of energy that people find themselves a slave to? Well, this is where communication can be refined - people aren't slaves to money, they are slaves to their own conceptions by which money is adjacent to. For example, I chase a check mainly to guarantee myself a moat of financial stability, to be able to afford not to work and to pursue other projects in the future. Always thinking of how to make more money quicker, more efficiently, and upgrade my experience of work by varying as much as I can in my occupation (this seems to happen by itself). I can't exactly speak for the average working person authentically, however, I can conceive that a many work under the burdensome cycle of bills and lifestyle in what seems like an endless, brutal cycle in which a person is seemingly drained of all their lifeforce through a complex and parasitic monetary system.
Few things are as painful as being stuck, in any sense of the word as far as I'm concerned. I'd say the worst are destructive habit patterns that develop as an effect of however your early life unfolds. This leads me to one of the hardest things that plagues my thinking, and that is the notion of pre-determined states of life. Seemingly uncontrollable circumstance. People who never had any opportunity to even conceive of an option that may end whatever misery that confounds them. Lives that go on in misery forever, in the aforementioned "brutal cycle". Be it any of the common plagues of humanity - a solutionless mess so it would seem.
Do not mistake these writings for nihilism, this is an observatory practice in writing. Maybe it is nihilism, maybe it doesn't matter. Sike. My shipmate just gave me a funny look.
Buddhists and Hinduists posit that our lives are in a perpetual state of samsara- a cycle of birth and death. The word roughly translate to "wandering/passing through", which is funny to me for some reason. The literal concept of being reborn based on karmas or past actions strikes me as a coping mechanism for reality for one big reason in particular - it sounds too logical and pleasant. Is that what I mean really?... Maybe that's not the perfect phrase. Something about it stinks, I just haven't figured out how to put it into words.
This is all headed deep into the territory of Buddhist circles, wheels, loops, and other O shaped concepts. Will I quit my job and dedicate all of my time into studying the supposed words of Buddha? Most likely no, however I probably will continue to pursue occassional perusal of similar concepts when the need arises. To put it mildly, the subject is far more interesting to me than most worldly affairs and small tribulations. I'd surely prefer it over sports talk.
Being stuck - I think the subroot of being stuck is being afraid to change your lifestyle. A deep set sort of complacency. Not one that I'm immune to of course, but I think it's fair to say I've overcome some amount of complacency. There's also the other side to it, a steadfast overvigilance which can cause you to become blind to some aspects of your experience. I think another root of the tree of stucked-ness are unchecked vices and lifestyle options, such as video games, drugs, women, lack of general positive lifestyle agency, other people, an odd juxtaposition in circumstance - et cet et al. Where does this lead -
My controversal take is that employment and unemployment, listlessness and grinding - are the same thing ultimately. How did I come to that conclusion? Everything we do paves a path for us to walk down in some way, it is only our lack of awareness and insight that makes us believe we have wasted time, toiled for nothing and thrown away our lives for nothing... this is what I would like to believe, if anything. Is it worth believing? I don't know(this lack of knowing I'm most certain of). However, some part is sure this is a stronger outlook than any previous. Is there a better answer than that? My current bet is that there is. Is this whole post an outline of how I spent most of my early life out of employment, education, or anywhere outside of an RV? Could be, though this is a vague allegory that generally only me, the author would most likely pose. All these posts could be a multifaceted(I love using this word) fractal reflection of my experience. If there even is a me to possess something so illusory in nature, as naturally, all appears more and more illusory, and the concepts of the past seem more and more effervescent and liquidy, and less burdensome with time and experience. As long as breathe, I will continue to observe experience.